Impurities
by IfritDemon666
Summary: Oh, Link. Sometimes it's just a bit too obvious when you've got dirty thoughts on your mind. Some harsh language, but the kiddies should no better than to swear in front of their parents and teachers.


**I find that the more I write, the more inspired I am to write more. First I finished writing and editing a new poem for my latest contest, then I actually sat my ass down and got to working on editing Memory Lane a little, then I went through my old documents and found another poem I hadn't touched in a while and added a few more stanzas, THEN I did a bit more editing on my -ahem- soon to be Memory Lane lemon. -Wink, wink- I know of those who are going to be pretty excited. As in droolin' over their keyboards excited.**

**Anyway, this pretty much all took place 8 to 10:30, so I was actually gonna try to get some more zzzz's than my usual 2 and a half hours, but my friggin' mind wandered along this topic for a bit before I decided to just get it over with.**

**Enjoy this bastard child of my imagination and lack of sleep!**

* * *

_Ugh, you'd think after 8 years Zelda would learn to cut down her boring ass stories to the bear minimum. _Link though to himself as the Princess of Prissiness went on explaining exactly why he shouldn't try to murder the dogs that followed him in town (friggin' allergies!) or the cucco that the stupid kid can never seem to catch. Even though, in the swordsman's opinion, the fuckin' thing was asking for it, flying around in circles, always squawking and shit when he's trying to by bombchus for the sole purpose of killing it.

No hard feelings of course.

"You need to understand that the Master Sword was given to you to assure peace in Hyrule-"

_Yeah, yeah, the blade was mine 'cause no one else was pure and just enough to wield it, blah, blah, blah..._ Link's thoughts wandered along with his eyes as they traveled about the room. Surely Zelda should notice the severe lack of attention she was getting? But alas, no, she apparently paid the thought no heed.

The childish man's gaze made its way back towards said princess.

_She'd be beautiful if she'd shut her trap every once in while... _He thought to himself.

Zelda finally turned back towards him, looking about ready to give him back his sword. This caught Link's attention.

_Good, I can finish off the chicken now._

He greedily retrieved his sword while Zelda continued lecturing, much to his dismay. He started fiddling with his sword to maybe pass the time.

The bored male looked back at Zelda, elaborating more on his previous thought; she did have the making's of an attractive woman. Her figure was thin, her skin slightly pale, her clothes could be rather attractive at times. Especially when the neckline dropped to a V and someone tall, such as himself, could manage to see-

**Mean while the Master Sword's though process went something like this;**

**"Impurity Alert! Impurity Alert!"**

Link grinned slightly to himself for obvious reasons, while he carelessly swung the Master Sword back and forth.

Suddenly, he felt a small tingle, something along the lines of a small shock, run up his sword bearing arm. The man jumped and almost lost his footing. Luckily Zelda didn't seem to notice, and he went quickly back to his thoughts. At least until another shock ran up his left arm, more severe than the one before. He jerked a bit worse than the first time but tried to ignore it.

Immediately after the shock came in a constant stream, different from before that sent our 'hero' into comical spasms. Zelda watched on, finally pulled from her own little world to see the Master Sword fly out of Link's hand and watch him fall back against the wall and slide to the ground. His singed hair sizzled quietly.

She was about to run to him and help him, but logic caught hold of her. The triforce of wisdom enlightened her.

"Link," she said with a sharp edge to her tone. "It appears the Master Sword doesn't find you very pristine at the moment. Would you mind telling me why that is?" She glared at him.

Suddenly, it clicked for Link, and a bulb of realization went off above his head. He grinned, that is, until Zelda took a step closer, eyeing him with a look that could kill. He quickly scrambled back to his feet and tried to defend himself.

"Well, ah, you see, I, uh, was just, ah, um, noticing... Noticing how pretty you looked in that dress! That's it," he managed to stumble out.

And then Zelda slapped him and he was banned from the castle until the princess worked up the courage to start wearing tops that dipped that far again. Meanwhile Link tried desperately to avoid sword fights for reasons easily gathered.

* * *

**I'm not very proud of this one. If I were good with imagery it may have come out better. But alas, 'twas not meant to be.**

**But anyways, :D I'm already cooking up a sort of parody of this one, but with Malon instead.**

**Inspiration! You've come back to me! How I've missed you my friend!**

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed and GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY! MWAH!**

**(I still can't find anyone to tell me where that's from. How disappointing...)**


End file.
